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Her dilemma

She misses him. She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know anymore. It’s hard, and all she wants is for everything to be okay. Her stomach heaves, wanting the heartache to end. It feels as though her heart has been ripped out, and she doesn’t know whom to turn to. A part of her wants him back, but another part wonders. She doesn’t want to always wonder “what if”. She wants to know for sure. And if she doesn’t do it, she’ll always wonder. So she pushes him away, and tries not to look back. But her heart had never looked away. She tries harder and harder to avoid everything. Her heart can’t handle the pain anymore. She’s afraid of losing him forever, but it’s too late for that now. Her head was turned by another, and she wishes it weren’t so. Because now she wonders… that maybe this isn’t it. And she feels sick, as though she shouldn’t doubt something like this. Something wonderful and true. She’s not god enough for him. He deserves better than what she can offer, all she wants is the best for him. She thinks that she needs to give him away, so that he’ll find the one for him, so that he’ll see. She wants to know that he’s happy. And she doesn’t think that he’s happy with her. She doesn’t feel that she can give him what she needs. She said that she didn’t think that she loved him. Her heart stopped at that moment, which told her that she did love him. Her heart stopped dead cold, and froze right then and there. But she can’t keep doing this to him. Because it hurts more and more each time. She doesn’t want to know about any other woman in his life, it’d kill her. All she wants is for everything to disappear, everything but them. It’d be perfect then. Nothing to worry about, no pain, no one to distract… but then again, maybe all of this is because she can’t accept his love right now. But she worries that she’ll realize her mistake and then not be able to repair it. Everything is in such an upheaval right now, her world is slowly shattering, in slow motion everything comes apart.